Episode:Parent Substitute
__INDEX__ Plot/Transcript The episode opens up in the kitchen where Professor Q is seen cooking eggs and bacon while making up algebraic equations. Professor Q: "x''÷''bacon=3''eggs''÷''y''" Vinnie and Rocket then come in through the kitchen door. Vinnie: "Hey dad! Take a load off!" Rocket then pulls Professor Q over to a chair, his shoes fall off and he proceeds to massage his feet. Rocket: "How about a relaxing soothing foot rub" Professor Q: "Ooh ahh ooh thank you argh Rocket argh!" Vinnie hands Prof Q his magazine. Vinnie: "Check this out! The latest issue of Test Tube Monthly, it's your favourite" Professor Q: "Your chores are 99 microns complete, your room is alpha-cantauri clean… this can only mean 1 thing… your report card is here!" Vinnie pulls out his report card from under his shirt and hands it over to Prof Q. Professor Q: "A D in Geophysichemistry? Vincent, this is a molecular grading travesty!" Vinnie: "I don't get it! I took my textbook everywhere! To the beach, to the movies…" Rocket: "I even baked it into a delicious fruity pie…" (He holds up the pie with a blue textbook sticking out of it) Professor Q: "But did you actually study it?" Rocket can be seen attempting to eat the book pie, but he fortunately did not eat the book. Vinnie: "Study it?" Vinnie and Rocket: "Um… no?" Professor Q: "All I ask Vincent, is that you work hard, do your best and be yourself, then you'll get the grade you truly deserve…" Professor Q then sinks into a mechanical iris on the floor, and Rocket's alarm clock goes off. Rocket: "Ooh it's 2-for-1 Squid Shake Hour at Joe's!" Vinnie: "No Rocket, you heard my dad, I got to…to study!" Rocket: "Study?" Vinnie: "then I'll get the grade I truly deserve… Maybe… I'll even get a better grade than Gabby…" The camera pans to Gabby on the stage at a graduation ceremony, then pans to Vinnie sitting in front of his PC reading his printed textbook, but Rocket intervenes and tries to get him to go to Joe's. Rocket: "Come on Vinnie, those Squid Shakes aren't gonna drink themselves!" Vinnie: "Not right now Rocket, I'm studying" Rocket: "But V-Man, there's no better way to study then go out and have fun!" Vinnie: "Are you sure?" Rocket: "You betcha" Vinnie gets off his chair and Rocket throws him into his driver console, then they leave Vinnie's room through an open window. At the theme park, Vinnie and Rocket can be seen riding a merry-go-round(that has cows instead of horses) while Vinnie is reading his book. They then go fishing, where Rocket catches a squid but Vinnie catches a textbook instead. Vinnie and Rocket then fly through space, but Vinnie's hands and his textbook are in his helmet. An asteroid hits it, knocking his textbook to the top of his helmet and they then arrive at school. Vinnie: "Thanks Rocket, that studying was great. I feel prepared, revised, confident. I'm a brand new Vinnie Q!" Rocket, sarcastic: (sniffs) "You've also got that new Vinnie Q smell…" V.P. Stern, announcement: "You may begin your hip tests now, dig!" Vinnie begins his test, and Gabby finishes hers. Gabby: "Finished!" Vinnie: "Finished" The two walk up to Stern who takes Gabby's test booklet and inserts it into his marking machine. V.P. Stern: "Happening congratulations Gabby, you got an A, dig!" Stern does the same with Vinnie's booklet. V.P. Stern: "Swingin' commiserations Vincent, you got a D" Vinnie: "A D? But…but" (panting) Rocket: "Hey Vinnster, how'd you do? Another D? But Vinnie…" (he waves his grabber in front of Vinnie's face) "A coma… Only 1 thing can snap him out of that… a smelling squid down the pants…" Vinnie, depressed: (panting) "How could I get a D Rocket? I worked hard, did my best, was myself, and didn't make a difference… my dad's gonna be so disappointed…" (sigh) Vinnie and Rocket then walk out of the classroom with a squid down Vinnie's pants and they go home. Back in the kitchen… Vinnie, still depressed: "I guess I better show my grade to my dad" Rocket: "Or… Plan B: We simply catapult the Earth into a black hole! Trust me, he'll forget about the test…" Vinnie: "Um… maybe not." (Camera shows untied laces on his right shoe) "Here, hold this for a second" Rocket then puts the booklet in his mouth and changes the grade while Vinnie ties his shoelaces, then Professor Q floats into the kitchen on his floating platform. Professor Q: "Ah Vincent! I detect that you are home…" Vinnie: "Here's my test Dad" (He hands his test booklet) "I did what you said, I tried as hard as I could, but I only got a– Professor Q: "An A? Skippedy-bop Vincent I'm 70.2Ω proud of you! Vinnie: "What?" Professor Q: (He presses the button on his hat) "Here, have a Goats-U-Like gift certificate on me… Fantastic congratulations Vincent, I'm so proud" Rocket: "OK everyone gather round!" Rocket then pulls out his camera to take a photo of Vinnie and Prof Q, who sticks his test booklet to their fridge with an oversized magnet. (Either Vinnie or Professor Q): "Er erh" Later at Goats-U-Like, Vinnie and Rocket come out with some lucky gold goats. Rocket: "Look at all the great goaty stuff we got! Vinnie: "Rocket, what have we done? You changed my grade, You lied to my dad…" Rocket: "But I did it for you McV, I only did it to make your dad happy… (he pulls out the photo he took earlier) Just look at his genius scientist face… He's so proud of you…(Vinnie then makes a face) Besides, no one will ever know… It's foolproof! Discovery-free… Nothing can possibly go wrong!" Back at school the next day, V.P. Stern had met in an accident (possibly due to indirect bullying, quote "bubblegum-related incident") so Ma Ducky invites Professor Q as the substitute teacher.(episode name reference) Ma Ducky: "Due to an unfortunate bubblegum-related incident, V.P. Stern will be out for the rest of the week." Class students: (cheering) Ma Ducky: "Instead, you will have a substitute, someone extra qualified for the job, the winner of over 200 prizes for genius science" Vinnie, talking to himself: "Oh no" Ma Ducky: "The inventor of everything worth inventing, Professor Quigley Q!" The aforementioned Professor then comes in on his floating platform, and the class cheers. Rocket: "Yay woohoo! Isn't this great V?" Vinnie: "No Rocket it's not! Now my dad's gonna discover we lied!" Rocket: "No I meant this cross-stitch portrait of me" (camera shows a close up shot of Rocket's cross-stitch portrait of himself) Vinnie: "Oh… Yeah that is pretty great" Professor Q: "Greetings and computations class" (Prof Q opens a chest he has on the floor, which opens up to a mini chemistry lab) "Let's start with the most complex concoction in science, liquid cold fusion! I need the best student to come assist" Gabby: "Ahem" Professor Q: "Come on up, Vincent Q!" Gabby: "Huh?" Vinnie then gets up from his seat and walks up in front to the chemistry setup Professor Q: "Just follow these simple instructions" (He then goes up to a second blackboard and draws up complex instructions, diagrams, figures and workings) "It'll be a piece of π, r²" (Vinnie can be seen with a puzzled expression) "As you know every step must be followed exactly, or this school could be reduced to a radioactive wasteland" Vinnie: "What do I do Rocket?" Rocket: "Absolutely no idea!" Gabby: (Vinnie tries to pour a test tube with a red liquid into a beaker with another red liquid) "Ahem!" (Vinnie tries to continue) "Mm" (Gabby shakes her head to indicate a "No" and Vinnie reaches for a conical flask with green liquid) "Mmmmmm" (Gabby signals a more angry "No!" and Vinnie tries to mix 2 test tubes of pink liquid together, but Gabby signals another "NO!") "(fakes cough) The blue one then the red one! (fakes cough)" (Vinnie mixes a small flask of blue liquid with a conical flask of red liquid to make purple liquid that causes a light-emitting chemical reaction) Professor Q: "Radioactively good job! A+!" (He floats on over to Gabby) "And Gabby, report to the school nurse before anyone catches your cold" Gabby is then seen with Ma Ducky in her office. Ma Ducky: "A doping big dose of fish eye oil will soon take care of that cough" Ma Ducky puts a tablespoonful of fish eye oil into Gabby's mouth. She then swallows it and reacts, possibly implying that it has a bad taste to it. Back in the classroom… Professor Q: "OK. It's time to grade your projects!" The camera cuts to Rainbow with a few stacks of tofu that vaguely looks like a city, explaining that she "carved a model of Tokyo out of tofu". Professor Q then comes over, accidentally knocks down the tofu with his floating platform making her sad. The camera then pans over to the Duckys who show off their "wedgie machine" and Scuds explains that it's "for kinda like wedgieing people". Biffo then goes "mmmmmmm… wedgie." and turns the crank to go ahead and wedgie Rainbow. The camera pans past some of the other students(show extras) with an oversized cactus, marionette and a small volcano, then over to Vinnie, Rocket and a Gabby with an anthill in a windowed case connected to a CRT monitor. Gabby: "I trained these ants to type out the complete works of Plato. What's your project Vinnie?" Vinnie: "It's a stick, in some… mud…" Professor Q: "Vincent, what's your project?" Rocket then steals the windowed anthill from Gabby and hands it to Vinnie. Rocket: "It's typing ants!" Gabby: "Huh?" Professor Q: (looks at monitor) "The complete works of Plato? Quark-tastic Vincent! A++! And what about you Gabby?" Rocket hands Vinnie's stick in mud to Gabby and grins at her Gabby, sad: "It's a bucket of mud, with a stick in it" Professor Q: "And what does that do?" Rocket: "It does this!" He throws the stick in mud over onto Gabby's cap. Gabby: "Argh!" Back in Ma Ducky's office, she gives 1 scoop of fish eye oil. Ma Ducky: "A doping big dose of fish eye oil will soon take care of that mud in your ear" Gabby: "Oowaaarrhhh" Back in the classroom… Professor Q: "Using Pavlovian behaviourism, you were each supposed to teach Mr Squids here a trick. Rainbow?" Rainbow: "I trained him to juggle tofu" Mr Squids then takes the pile of tofu in front of Rainbow and throws it in Professor Q's face. Frankie: "We trained him to do something everyone finds useful, AN A1 AQUA SPICY WEDGIE!" Mr Squids then wedgies Rainbow and stuffs a block of tofu in her mouth. Professor Q: "Quarkingly impressive" Gabby: "I spent 6 months training Mr Squids to sing opera. All I have to do is blow this whistle and he gargles Puccini! What did you teach him Vinnie?" Vinnie: "I spent 6 minutes training him to write "Vinnie rules!" in his own ink when I say the super secret codeword" Rocket, telling a secret to Vinnie which Gabby overhears: "The codeword is "goats"" Gabby: "Vinnie, that's lamer than a rhinestone saddle on a bottle of milk" Professor Q: "Vincent, it's your turn" Rocket steals the whistle out of Gabby's hand, sticks it in Vinnie's mouth and squeezes him. Mr Squids then gargles part of an opera by Puccini, as Gabby described. Show extras: (cheering) Professor Q: "That was 10000 neutrinos fantastic Vincent! 5 more A's… What have you got Gabby?" Gabby: "ummm… goats" Mr Squids then squirts a blot of his ink in Gabby's face. Gabby: "Waaaaaaa-ahhhhhh" In Ma Ducky's office… Ma Ducky: "A doping big dose of fish eye oil will take care of that squid ink allergy" Gabby's squid ink allergy starts to show red spots all over her face. Back in the classroom… Professor Q: I'm so proud of you Vincent, I can't wait to see how you do on the big test tomorrow… Skippedy-boppedy-boo…" (He then floats off) Vinnie: "There's an epic huge massive test tomorrow Rocket, I've got to study, I have to get the best grade" Rocket: "But studying didn't work last time you tried it" Vinnie: "No Rocket, but this time I got something I didn't have last time" Rocket: "You got a Rocket!" Vinnie: "Uh no I had that the last time, This time I got a Gabby!" In the hallway… Gabby: "You want me to help you study? Haven't I done enough for you today? Vinnie: "Uh yeah thanks for all that. But just think about it. It's easy for you to get a good grade on tomorrow's test… (Rocket pulls out some speakers) The real challenge would be to help get a good grade" Gabby: "You're right! Let's do it!" In the classroom, Gabby shows Vinnie her completed DNA puzzle, while Vinnie puts his together in a jumbled fashion. Gabby signals a "No" to Vinnie and he is seen on an office chair watching 8 screens of videos fed off from a Rocket reading books. Vinnie puts together the DNA puzzle to form a sailboat, and Gabby signals another "No". A tired Vinnie is seen in his room reading a pile of books, then Vinnie finally gets his DNA puzzle right. Skipping to the end of the "big test", Vinnie and Gabby are seen passing their test booklets forward. Professor Q: "Time's up! Pass your papers forward" Rocket: "How'd you do V-Master?" Vinnie: "I really tried my hardest, did my A-number-1-best, and was more myself than ever! But I don't think it's good enough…" Rocket: "You know what this means Vinnie?" Vinnie: "I'm a mega lame-o failure?" Rocket: "No… It means we have to switch your tests with Gabby!" Gabby: "But… but…" Without a confirmation, Rocket goes ahead, steals Gabby's booklet out of her hand and proceeds to erase and forge Vinnie and Gabby's handwriting, and then flies to the front of the classroom to hand them to Professor Q, who then inserts it into the same marking box from earlier on in the episode. Professor Q: (he looks at Vinnie's paper, actually Gabby's) "Über-stellar congratulations Vincent, you got an hypo-nuclear-ultraviolet A!" (he looks at Gabby's pepper, supposedly Vinnie's) "Infra-quarking commiserations Gabby, you got a C" Gabby: "A C? But…but…" Vinnie: (he runs up to Professor Q and Gabby follows) "Stop dad, there's been a mistake… These papers have been mixed up. Gabby didn't get a C, I did!" (Gabby smiles) "I did study, I did work hard, and I was myself… but it just wasn't enough" Professor Q: (angry tone) "Yes. It wasn't enough, …" (he switches to a happy tone) "…it was more than enough! By actually studying, you changed your grade from a D, to a C! You improved Vincent" Vinnie: "I did? I did!" Professor Q: "I'm ∞ proud of you." (He presses the button on his hat yet again) "Here, have a Goats-U-Like gift certificate on me" Rocket: "You know what this means… We get new goats" Mr Squids from roughly a few days ago(in the show's timeline) is still there, comes out and spits its ink. In Ma Ducky's office, Ma Ducky is seen with an oversized tablespoon and bottle of fish eye oil. Ma Ducky: "A doping big dose of fish eye oil will soon take care of that squid ink allergy" Spots start to show on Vinnie's face, he swallows and the episode ends. Extras The "Extras" section is for extra fan-generated facts based on the episode. It is recommended to change the "Extras" title above, unless there are multiple sections. Examples for the "Extras" section header include "What you need to recreate Ma Ducky's outfit" for Episode:Truces and Consequences and "Vinnie's packing list" for Episode:Swollen Cranium Facts *At the start of the first scene, Professor Q can be cooking eggs but at the end of the scene, he disappear into a mechanical iris on the kitchen floor. Here's a tip: Never leave your cooking unattended. Spoiler Vinnie didn't go up to an A in the end, but he got a C instead and the Professor was still happy. References Category:Episodes